Tom 7-19-18

In the last few weeks of his life, Jeanne and I would have done anything we could to make Tom happy.  I think anyone who knew him would have.

During that time I remember asking him desperately "What can I do for you?"  Jeanne and I had all of the practical things we could do handled.... well, as best we could.  We weren't pros after all, and there were moments when we burst into laughter at the ridiculous idea that the two of us could get a giant guy like him around the house in a wheelchair without banging his knees into the narrow doorways.  

But what I wanted to know was what I could do for him....this brother of mine that I'd loved all my life....when there was nothing anyone could do. 

Without any hesitation whatsoever he looked at me and said...

"Stop being such a doormat"

I should have known he'd go there.   He always told me the truth.  He always looked out for me, even when there was something much more significant going on.

And he was right.  This was the great ultimate most important request he could make of me......something it has taken me these long nine years without him to even begin to do.

Most people who know me would be shocked to think of me that way...... passive, letting anyone walk on me.  Oh no.  I'm the born warrior - fearless and relentless.  It's easy for me.  It's part of my nature.

But Tom didn't grow up with the warrior princess of today.  He knows the less obvious small person who can never say no to someone she loves for fear they'll stop loving her back.

So now, nine years after Tom did the truly rude thing of leaving this earth, I think of that day when he gave me that last most important gift... walking orders to make a huge change in my life.  

It was like him....always looking outward, taking in the bigger picture with the laser focus he had for the details, in life and on the canvas. He was patient, laboriously filling in the tiny backgrounds in his vibrant, expressive paintings,...

     and waiting for his stubborn sister to understand what he was telling her all along.