Returning to Joyville - Part Two

I just told my boss that I'm retiring in a few weeks. Unlike some of my friends, this decision wasn't a slam dunk. I didn't hate my job, I hadn't been counting off the days, months and years like half the people I know. I just decided to retire. Actually, someone dared me to.

The whole process started a long time ago but I haven't really caught up to it. Last month I emptied all of the files and drawers in my office, but I still 'wasn't sure". Then I told my boss I was "90% sure I'd retire, unless something drastic happened" (like total economic collapse I suppose). Every day I'd come in and sort through another book shelf, all the while wondering who it was that was giving away catalogs and post its, tossing ridiculous records of what happened at work twenty years ago...like anyone cares now (or probably even then).

But when my Life Coach said "What do you wish I'd dare you to do?" I answered without hesitation "Dare me to quit my job". She did. And I did. By email. An hour later.

At first I was elated. "I grew up yesterday" I told the stranger helping me find a couch at Ethan Allen. "I know what I want and I'm going after it". So proud and snappy. Two days later I was sad, confused, wondering what I was giving up. Today I'm elated, excited, drunk with potential and upcoming freedom.

So what is it about retirement that turns me into this rambling fool? Part of it is the word "RETIREMENT". It creeps me out. It sounds like 'retirement home', being old, life being over. And no wonder. Here's what it says in the thesaurus:

"relinquishment, resignation, abandonment, vacating, separation, removal, handing over, laying down, exiting, retreating, going away, secession abdication, severance." Or, under 'state of being retired' "seclusion, aloofness, apartness, separateness, solitude, isolation, remoteness, loneliness, quiet, refuge, inactivity. To resign, give up work, make vacant, lead a quiet life, squester oneself."

Now doesn't that just sound dandy? Who wouldn't want to do THAT?! It ought to just say "Lay down and Die".

So, I've been searching for a new word or phrase that describes what I expect out of quitting my job, and the closest I have come to is this:

RETURNING TO JOYVILLE!

To me, leaving your job is just that...leaving a job. What comes next is what you've put off since you were 10 and started distracting yourself with school, relationships, children, causes, serviceable drama and of course, work. This is the time when you leap out into the world naked, and soar toward everything you dreamed of doing and being. It's going home to yourself, the person you know you are, but forgot for quite awhile. It's giggling, dancing, leaping for joy, risking, laughing, and living as noisily and full throttle as you can.

So, no, I'm not retiring actually.

I'm flying....