Most of my friends spent the first five or six years of our daughter's lives deconstructing fairy tales. No, the woodsman didn't HAVE to take Snow White into the woods and kill her - he had a choice. No, she shouldn't have taken that poison apple from the weird lady on her doorstep. Haven't we taught you about taking things from strangers? Why was the queen so upset about not being the fairest of them all anyway? Superficial beauty is meaningless.
Our biggest task, though, was to put to rest, once and for all, the ridiculous Cinderella ideal. Not only would there be no Prince to rescue our girls, they shouldn't even want one. They should be out there rescuing themselves.
I really thought this was the best way to go, until last weekend.
There, in the little village of Tiburon, in a land far far away......
....Katie Simon was lifted onto a white horse by a real Knight in Shining Armor, Jade Dauser. With Jade, who happens to be the U.S. champion historical sword fighter, this is no metaphor. He is the real deal. He has real armor to prove it. But it goes much deeper than that. He has truly committed himself to being the kind of man a beautiful, precious, and fair young lady would deserve.
In vows written to each other and shared with an enchanted group of family and friends, they used words that we hadn't heard for 30 years, like chivalry, leadership, honor. Jade promised to protect her, their children, their grandchildren from any harm, and everyone there believed it. Katie talked about his heroism, how safe he made her feel, how much she loved and admired his strength, values, and rock solid devotion to her.
Their love for one another wasn't a passing phrase in hurriedly spoken vows. It was vibrating between them and shining out into the air. Everyone there was transported to Camelot with them.
As we were coming home, I started thinking about fairy tales again. Why was it that we had so fiercely torn them apart? What were we protecting our girls from? What were we preparing them for? Had it been so horrible to want a strong, committed, devoted husband who would protect and defend us? Didn't most women, underneath their desires for fulfilling careers and personal identity, also just want someone to cuddle up into, surrounded by big, warm, safe arms for a little while?
Those stories we rebelled against existed for a reason, I guess, and that is to set an ideal. We were too disappointed or realistic to believe in it. We'd seen abuses of male strength. We thought our girls needed to gird themselves with armor to survive.
But what if all we needed to do was raise our boys to be knights....and our girls to settle for nothing less?
Of course I love that his name is Jade. And of course I also feel so lucky because Jade does protect and honor and devote himself to me. And I am also struggling to go through these fairy tales with Sasha. She made such a funny comment yesterday, about Cinderella. Jade put it on FB. It was: Sasha singing this morning: "Cinderella is a bride. Cinderella is a bride. She managed to marry the prince. Because she didn't want to do her chores." So of course there is economics at play too. Dollars, I have come to believe, are at much at the heart of every marriage as the love and devotion. Who earns them. Who spends them. Who saves them. Who keeps track of them. The ability to navigate economic decisions can make or break a marriage. I will say that, reading Snow White last night, I was annoyed at how easily Snow White succumbs to the evil Queen's advances. WHAT, exactly, did she NOT understand about "do not let anyone in the house while the dwarfs are away????? She really is kind of a dumbass. Not to mention the whole bit about the prince coming and falling in love with her while she is dead as a doornail. I mean, what does that say about the value of a woman to a man? I have no trouble with raising our boys to be knights. As long as they would prefer a live, animated (even headstrong) woman to a dead one. And I would hope that we will also raise our girls to look for a partner to protect and honor them, yes, but also to know a thing or two about finance and about self-defense!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this most thought-provoking and eloquent post, P. Your blog is soooo worth the read.